


Vacation

by reptillian_paladin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Texting, ignore my other make-up fic this is the real long-term fix-it make-up fic, two bros chillin in a cabin 5 feet apart bc they're mad at each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-07 00:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptillian_paladin/pseuds/reptillian_paladin
Summary: Heidi is excited to go on week-long vacation with the Kleinmans. They decide on renting out a cabin by a lake together.She figures she can have fun with her friends and Evan will be able to hang out with Jared.Evan doesn't have the heart to tell her he's not friends with Jared anymore.But as they pretend to get along for the sake of their parents, they are forced to talk about some things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i don't know what t he FUCK is happening i keep writing stuff which is good but also???? ive never been able to write this consistently in my life but hey maybe this adhd medication is working in which case holy shit is being able to do stuff just like. my life now???? h o l y s h it

"Evan, honey, I've got a surprise for you!" Heidi called as she opened the door to the house. She didn't get an answer at first. Not disheartened in the least, she went to her son's room. "Evan?"

"Oh- uh- hi mom! What's up?" Evan closed his laptop.

"Well, I managed to get a whole week scheduled off frm work! And I was thinking we could go somewhere together and relax."

"That sounds great, mom. Uh- where are you- where are you thinking?"

"Well I know there's not much we could do with what we have, and I know you don't really want to spend every second of a whole week with your mama, so I figured something out. The Kleinmans are friends with someone who owns a little cabin on Lake Telton. If we split the cost we can all go, and I'll have some of my friends to talk to and you can hang out with Jared." She smiled as she sat on his bed.

Evan tried to not let his face fall. He didn't want to go. A whole week of being in the same place as Jared, who he hasn't spoken to since their big fight, seemed like one of the worst things that could happen.

But he saw how happy his mother looked at the idea. "That sounds great, mom!" The enthusiasm sounded fake to his own ears, but his mom didn't seem to notice.

"Oh, isn't it? I can't wait, honey." She stood up. "Did you have dinner yet? I was thinking about just making some spaghetti."

"No, I didn't eat yet. Spaghetti sounds fine." Evan smiled when she leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Alright, the trip is going to be the second week of August, so don't plan anything for then." She walked off.

Evan immediately took out his phone.

**Evan:** Listen, I don't know if you blocked my number or not, but I have something important to ask you. I don't care if you hate me, but I need you to do something for the sake of my mother. Please respond.

**Evan:** Your parents are going to ask you to go on a vacation with them. My mom and I are going to be there.

**Evan:** I know you hate me and I'm sorry I'm asking this but please say yes. We can pretend to be friends and just go back to normal afterwards. It would really make our parents happy.

**Evan:** Please respond Jared I really don't want to have to go over your house and beg you to do this.

**Jared:** relax holy shit

**Jared:** stop crying or whatever you're doing over there

**Jared:** they already asked me

**Jared:** i said i was cool with it

**Evan:** I wasn't crying.

**Evan:** But thank you.

**Jared:** don't thank me

**Jared:** i would like to officially state that i didn't do this as a nice gesture towards anyone

**Jared:** i did this because i wanted to go

**Jared:** as it turns out I was getting tired of being in the house so much

**Jared:** plus i happen to love kayaking

**Evan:** Whatever. Thank you.

**Jared:** im not kidding

**Jared:** im already working out my arms for the insane amount of kayaking i plan on doing

**Evan:** Jared.

**Evan:** We don't have to pretend to tolerate each other until August.

**Evan:** You don't have to keep talking to me if you don't want to. Sorry for bothering you but you're free to go now.

**Jared:** oh phew! i was getting exhausted.

There was a part of Evan that wished Jared had said he wanted to keep talking.

And a few miles away, there was a part of Jared who wanted to call Evan out for being the one who doesn't want to talk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im back Already and you guessed it we're skipping right ahead to when they get to the cabin let's get in on this action this is probably gon be Real Short

Evan's anxiety didn't really kick in until his mom was pulling up to the cabin and he could see Mrs. Kleinman's car.

He was there. Jared was there. Jared hated him. He had to hang out with Jared.

He just hoped the other boy wouldn't flat-out bully him.

As they walked through the front doors with their suitcases, they were welcomed by Mr. and Mrs. Kleinman.

"You're going to be sharing the room down that little hall with Jared. He's already in there, go make yourself comfortable." Mrs. Kleinman smiled warmly at him.

He swallowed. Sharing a room, no less.

He tentatively knocked on the door, which was flung open not a moment later.

"Evan!" Jared pulled the suitcase from Evan's hand and then pulled him into a hug. "It's been a while, happy to see you!" He pulled back and then gestured for Evan to enter the room. "Come on, sit down, let's chat a little." He closed the door behind him, put Evan's suitcase on the far side of the room, sat on the bed closest to the door, and focused his attention on his laptop, not looking up at Evan.

"Uhhh..." Evan was startled by the warm welcome and even more by how abruptly it ended.

"Sorry for the hug and general cheeriness. Maybe I'm overdoing the acting." He still didn't look at Evan.

"No no no, it was good, I was just- surprised." Evan looked down at his feet.

"You can sit down, you know. There's a chair, there's the other bed, there's a floor but I don't think-"

"Yeah. Th-thanks Jared."

"Don't thank me." Jared said it so quietly Evan could barely hear. He chose to not respond.

Evan set up his laptop and looked through what he could do. No internet, obviously, but he still had some games and he could always write.

He picked the former. There was no way he could focus with his anxiety this high.

It was only a few hours before Mrs. Kleinman knocked on their door.

"Yes?" Jared asked.

The door opened. "Jared, we're on a vacation and you're playing games on your laptop? I'm disappointed." She looked over to Evan quickly, giving him a quick smile. "I'm sure Evan is doing something more constructive."

Jared sighed. "Probably."

"Well anyway, it's time for dinner."

"Alright." Jared started to get up, Evan doing the same.

"Oh, honey, I meant to remind you- did you remember to pay your car insurance this month?" Mrs. Kleinman asked.

Jared nearly tripped over his own feet when he heard the question. "Uh, yeah mom. Tha-"

"You pay your own insurance now?" Evan couldn't help the words that came out of his mouth. The question was halfway between a taunt and an apology, seeing as it was probably because he stopped hanging out with Jared.

Mrs. Kleinman looked confused. "Of course, he always has, that was the deal when we got him the car."

Jared forced his eyes shut and he could feel his face getting redder. "So, I'm starving, what's for dinner?" He followed his mom out of the room.

Evan stood in shock for a few moments before heading after them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh i think this might be a long haul fic bc they still havent had an Emotional Make-up Talk,, rip me its not even gonna be for a while

Dinner was outside on a picnic table.

When Evan stepped out of the door Jared's arm was put around him. "There you are Ev! Come on, we get to sit next to each other!" He led him to the table, a spring in his step.

Evan started eating the food in front of him, eager to be able to talk to Jared alone to ask why he lied about the insurance.

"So Ev!" Where did Jared get the energy for all this acting? "Where are you going to college?"

"J-just community college right now. I'll probably get my associate's and then get a small job with that and move on to a 4-year, hopefully with some scholarships."

"Smart kid." Mr. Kleinman nodded. "We'll be lucky if Jared gets any degree, he's going to community college in the fall too and he still hasn't made a decision on his major. What are you studying, Evan?"

Evan felt very uncomfortable with his decisions being used to shame Jared, but he didn't know how to challenge Mr. Kleinman. "Environmental Science."

"You'll do well."

Heidi decided to interject. "I'm sure Jared will do well in whatever he decides to do too. You know, there's plenty of electives he'll have to take no matter what he chooses, he still has time to pick a major. Lots of people are undecided their first year." So she had noticed how awkward it was getting too.

Evan spared a glance at Jared, who just rolled his eyes and smiled at him. But there was something in his expression that wasn't quite right.

"So, Evan, have you-" The nervous pause wasn't something typically used by Jared Kleinman. Not when he could help it. "Have you played any good video games lately?"

"I- uh, I haven't played anything in a while. I've been busy with figuring out my classes and where I'm going to work, and uh- all that stuff." Evan realized halfway through speaking how bad his answer came off. He cringed when he heard Jared's mom speak.

"Wow! Jared, you'd do well to take a page out of this kid's book! You spend too much time on the computer, honey, you're going to forget about work and fry your brain."

Evan couldn't see any change on Jared's face as he looked to his right, but he heard his breath hitch. Jared opened his mouth, ready to speak.

But Evan cut off whatever he was about to say. "A-actually, Mrs. Kleinman-"

"I've told you before, call me Linda."

"Linda, Jared doesn't just use computers, he knows quite a bit about them. It's a very valuable skill in the- when you're applying for any job. It's good that he keeps on top of it and keeps learning."

Linda seemed to back down, but Mr. Kleinman had the last word. "Well, I think you found a good major for our son."

Evan frowned. Jared seemed to be eating faster, but still attempting conversation in between. Luckily his parents stopped butting in. When he cleared his plate, he hopped up from the table.

"Do you have any manners, Jared?" Linda asked. "Evan's not done yet, you don't just leave your friend-"

"Actually I'm full too." Evan insisted. "C'mon Jared, I want to show you something."

When they got to the kitchen, Evan tried to start a conversation. "What-"

There was a halfhearted laugh. "Don't even talk about it, those two wouldn't know how to walk a dog because the leash gives it too much room to move around." He rolled his eyes. "I gotta pee real quick though, I'll clean the dishes when I get out." There was a pause in which he debated whether or not to say something. "And uh- thanks for trying." He walked off. 

Evan thought that Jared would be back within a few minutes, but after that he started getting restless. He didn't want to go anywhere before the dishes got washed, because that would be rude. He really didn't want to knock on the door and piss Jared off. But there was a nagging feeling that if he washed the dishes Jared's parents would come back and see him washing everything, and he was really uncomfortable with how they have been using him against Jared.

Just when he was about to give in and wash the dishes, the bathroom door opened. If Jared's eyes were a little too red, Evan knew better than to mention it.

Evan awkwardly stood in the corner as Jared washed the dishes. When he finished, Evan spoke.

"Hey I- uh- I wanted to go for a hike and maybe check out some uh- trees, and you totally don't need to go with me or anything, you can do whatever you want, but-"

"Breathe, Evan." Jared raised his eyebrows. "And I'm totally going with you. If you fall out of a tree again there should be someone there for you." It was a second before he caught himself. "Otherwise I'd get in so much trouble, I mean my parents would probably chain me in the basement for a year."

Evan fought the urge to smile. "Yeah. Let's go, then."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they were supposed to start really Sharing Feelings in this but uhhhhh, it got postponed. It refuses to be rushed, no matter how hard i try.
> 
> also sorry for all this short shit

"What tree's that?"

"We haven't even got into the woods, Jared, that's a Japanese Maple, it's a common decorative tree."

"I know that one over there's a white birch." Jared put his hand up to scratch his chin thoughtfully.

"I mean- that's a pretty obvious one to spot." 

Jared put a hand to his heart in mock offense. "You're saying I'll never be a tree expert? How will I fulfull my dreams now?"

"If you try hard enough-" Evan looked at Jared's face. "Aaaand you're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!"

"Hey, trees are really fascinating, alright? I bet if you let me teach you about them even you'd find a few facts you're interested in."

"But of course! Let me just go back and get my notebook, Professor."

Evan laughed, and all at once Jared went silent, his face falling and even the way he was walking losing its pep. It was slightly unnerving, but Evan didn't want to bring it up.

It was a while before Evan finally spoke again. "I'm uh- I'm sorry about dinner."

Jared waved it off. "My parents? It's not you. They do that all the time now. You should have seen them after they met Alana. It was pretty hilarious, they almost had adoption papers filled out by the end of the night."

"O-Oh." Evan kicked a rock as he walked. "So your car insurance-"

"So what's up with this tree?"

"Jared..."

"It's really fucking ugly."

There was only so much obvious distraction Evan could resist. "It's not ugly!"

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Evan woke up at around 3 AM, needing to get a water. After he returned to the room, he noticed the light from Jared's phone.

"Are you still up?" He whispered across the room.

A sigh. "Yes."

"Why?"

"No rest for the wicked."

"No, really."

"You just snore so much, Hansen."

"Wait, do I snore because I'm really sorry if I'm keeping you up I've always hated the idea of snoring and annoying people and keeping them up and-"

"I'm teasing you."

"Right, sorry, sorry, I just-" He let his voice trail off. "So about the thing where you told me you were only hanging out with me because-"

"I can't do this again." Jared breathed. It wasn't annoyed, it was as if admitting defeat.

Evan was shocked. He couldn't remember a time when Jared sounded so vulnerable. "What can't you do?"

"This! I can- I can pretend to get along in front of our parents, but this- it has to stop. Once we're out of hearing range, it's done!"

"Why?"

"I just don't want to deal with-"

"Is it- is it me? Do you hate me?"

"Fuck you, Evan!" He realized he got a little louder than he should have and lowered his voice. "Honestly, for once, don't make this about you. And how do you have the nerve, when you- just- go back to sleep."


	5. Chapter 5

After breakfast the next day, it seemed the parents had decided it was time for family bonding.

Evan was thrilled. He would get to hike with his mom and tell her about the trees and maybe chat with her by the lake.

Jared was, to put it lightly, less thrilled to be spending quality time with his parents.

As soon as Heidi and Evan went out for their walk, the air got uncomfortable.

"Listen, Jared." Jared resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his mother's sickly-sweet voice.

"We realized that some of what we said last night may have been taken the wrong way." His mother continued. "You know we just want you to do your best, and we just wanted you to see how some of your friends could be positive influences in your life. We would never mean to try to tear you down. We're sorry if you took it the wrong way."

Jared raised his eyebrows and tried to avoid making a disgusted face. "Uhhhhh, yeah, I know, it's fine." He figured challenging them would only drag the conversation out.

"But you know, Evan had a point." His father began. "With all the time you spend on computers, you could major in computer science, wouldn't that be good for you?"

"Yeah. Totally." Jared ground out.

"Good! Now that that's settled, how about we all get our swimsuits on and hang out by the lake?"

"Sure."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was suggested to the boys that they find something to cook together for dinner that night. Evan decided on a spinach lasagna.

"You get started on the sauce, I'll make the noodles."

"I can't believe you brought a pasta maker to go camping out in a cabin for a week." Jared rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I'm using it, aren't I?"

"Touché."

It was silent for a while, both involved with their own thoughts and their own cooking. Finally Jared spoke up.

"Hey, uh- quick question, Evan."

"I have the salt over here."

"Oh- uh- I do need that, but I wanted to ask- do you think your mother chewed out my parents for last night?" He went over to get the salt.

Evan fought back a laugh. "She didn't mention it today but knowing her? Absolutely." Evan put some more dough through the pasta roller. "Uh- why do you ask?"

"Nothing, they were just all weird today. This morning they got all condescending and did this thing that I guess they thought was an apology, which, it did have at least a few correct words in there somewhere, but I would call it an overall failure in actually seeming regretful." He went into a cabinet drawer and took out some diving goggles and put them on his head.

"That sounds-" Evan looked over at Jared. "Okay what- what are you- what could possibly be the point of that right now?"

Jared smirked. "I'm going to cut some onions. Don't be jealous of my genius."

Evan shrugged and went back to his work. A few minutes passed before Jared spoke again.

"You know, I honestly was leaning towards computer science already, but now they're suddenly so insistent on it like the decision's already been made, and now I don't even want to do it because then they think I'm following what they want, or whatever."

Evan grimaced. "I'm sorry." He made himself continue before Jared could wave off his apology. "And I think that- well, if you don't do what you want just because they want it too, you're still basing your decision on them. So who cares if they think you're listening to them, you- you'll know that it was-that it was what you wanted."

"That's actually pretty good advice, holy shit." He turned to the other boy. "Is this why people like, talk about their problems or whatever? Wow." The typical cheery sarcasm was back. "But thanks. And hey, I'm being a total hypocrite here with talking to you when I told you not to talk to me, so tell you what. You get a ticket for one conversation, no trades, cannot be used with any other coupon, no cash value. And you can only use it once so choose wisely." He briefly put his hands on Evan's shoulders. "That way we're even."

"O-okay, sure."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self-projection??? in MY fanfics??? it's more likely than you think 
> 
> also we are approaching the Discussion of Emotions

After dinner Evan was slipped a paper. Jared kept walking after he gave it to him, not giving him another glance as he went to ther room.

"Ticket for 1 (one) conversation with  
THE INSANELY COOL JARED KLEINMAN!"

There was more in smaller writing underneath.

"Valid until the end of vacation, only redeemable in the US and Canada. This ticket has no monetary value and cannot be traded or combined with any other offers. Ticket can only be used once. The conversation must be no longer than ten minutes. No limitations on subject matter (including trees)."

Finally, there was something scribbled so small that it was almost totally unreadable. Evan squinted at the page.

"(If you have a panic attack or some sort of crisis you don't need to give me this for me to talk to you or whatever)"

Evan looked in the direction Jared went, then folded the paper and put it in his back pocket and turned around.

"Hey mom, I'm gonna go for a walk for a little while."

"Alright, honey. Have fun."

Somehow when Evan got to the door Jared was out of the room and already on his way to follow him. "Evan, wait up!"

Evan looked confused but held the door for Jared. Then he waited until they were out of earshot. "I thought you were trying to avoid me."

"Close. I'm trying to avoid talking to you, but if you break your arm again I do want to see it so I can laugh at you."

"Jared, I- you do know I go outside without supervision often. I don't need a babysitter."

"I don't know, Evan, you have a history of falling out of trees. That's pretty clumsy."

"I didn't-" He cut himself off. That would definitely end up costing his conversation ticket. "That was one time."

"Mmm-hmm." Jared looked smug.

Things fell to silence again. A few times Evan almost started talking about trees, or passing animals, before remembering to keep his mouth shut.

About half an hour went by before gray clouds rolled in overhead. "Are we going to head back, because it's obviously very essential to me that my hair doesn't get wet." Jared gestured to the sky.

"O-oh, uh, yeah we should go back now."

It was barely starting to drizzle when they got back. "Jared, can we speak to you for a moment?" Jared's father asked as they walked in the door.

"Yeah, sure." He waved Evan off and walked towards his parents, who were standing in the kitchen. "What's up?"

"We just wanted to make sure you start looking into changing your schedule for the fall. Did you call your academic advisor today? Look through the catalog? Figure out what courses you need for computer science?" His father asked.

"No?"

"Why not?"

"We don't even have any access to internet up here, what did you expect me to do?"

"You should have brought the printed catalog you have. And the phone number for your advisor."

Jared squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I'll do it when we get home, okay? I didn't think I'd need all that because we are on, may I remind you, a vacation."

"Maybe if you weren't lazing around all summer and treating every day like a vacation, you'd have already had this all sorted out weeks ago. Look at me."

Jared looked up, trying to maintain a neutral face.

"Don't give me that. Wipe the attitude off."

So much for neutral. He tried again.

"The second we get home you will have this under control, and the second classes start I better see you studying day and night. Understand?"

Jared nodded.

"Good." His father started to walk off. "Heidi is setting up the DVD player in the other room, you and Evan are welcome to watch a movie with us."

"No thanks." His voice was barely audible. He went back to his room. "Hey, Evan, the others are watching a movie, if you want to-"

"Oh, sure, yeah- uh- what did your parents want?" Evan could see that the other boy wasn't very happy.

"What does any man truly want, Evan?" He put his hand to his forehead. "Some want love, some want success, some want a second season of Firefly-"

"I'm serious."

"I don't know, it really seems like that answering that would result in a 'conversation.'" Jared held out his hand and hoped Evan would save his ticket.

Evan sighed and walked past Jared. "Fine, whatever, I'm gonna go watch the movie."

"Have fun!" Jared shouted with fake cheer before closing the door and sliding down it, listening to the rain that had started to pick up as it fell on the roof.

By the time Evan got back to the room, Jared was in his bed.

"Holy Grail? I could hear snippets from down here."

"Yeah- I'm- uh- surprised you didn't come out, isn't that one of your favorites?"

"You remember that?" Jared tried to ignore how happy that made him.

"Of- of course, yeah- we- remember we used to be friends?" He saw Jared roll his eyes. "O-or family friends or whatever you wanted to call it! Remember-"

"I don't want to do this."

"That's not fair, you can't-"

"Go to bed, Evan." Jared turned his phone off and rolled over.

Evan sighed and got into his bed, staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours before falling asleep.

He woke up to the loud crack of thunder. The rain was pouring down by this point, and he could hear the wind through the trees. He sat up, accepting that he couldn't fall asleep again. His eyes adjusted and when the next strike of lightning came he could see that Jared's bed was empty. Evan furrowed his eyebrows before pulling the sheets off himself and getting up.

He turned on the lights to the room to confirm what he saw. No Jared.

Evan wandered down the hall, making sure the bathroom was empty, and then checking the kitchen and den, but there was no sign of Jared.

 _Relax, he's probably-_ probably where?

Evan felt his heartrate picking up as he realized he would have to go outside to find him. Part of him wanted to go back to bed and trust that Jared would be back by morning.

But he still found himself grabbing his sneakers, a flashlight, and a raincoat and going outside.

He checked the cars first, and around the house. By the lake.

"Jared!"

He finally looked towards where they were hiking the past two days. The wind made the collection of trees particularly daunting, and Evan was absolutely soaked by this point.

He followed the trail.

"Jared!"

He finally found him sitting on ground, back facing Evan.

"Jared?" He placed a hand on his shoulder, raising his voice so he could be heard. "Jared, come on, it's dangerous to be out here with the lightning and the- wind and- branches could break off and-"

"Then go." Jared didn't get up or turn around.

"Wha- no! Jared, please! I'm not leaving until you come with me." Evan walked around so he was facing Jared, whose face was blank, not looking up. Evan knelt down in front of him and reached into his coat pocket for a piece of paper, which he held in front of Jared.

"What made you come out here?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's happening friends,, we're Here, sorry for the Stereotypical Dramatique Conversation Setting In The Rain

"What? No, Evan, you can't use that for this, just go back inside, I'll come in later."

Evan brought the paper back to his face and shined the flashlight on it. He located the words he was looking for and pointed to them, showing Jared before the paper became too soggy. "No limitations on subject matter."

"I meant like, hey I will talk to you about the god damn carbon cycle or something boring that you enjoy! Not-"

"No limitations means no limitations." Evan held up what was now a pile of mush in his hand before placing it in front of Jared and sitting in front of him. "So what brings you-" He jumped as he heard a crack of thunder. "What brings you out here in the middle of a storm?"

"I just like the rain."

"Oh totally. Me too, I also love pneumonia."

Jared looked up. "Dude, was that sarcasm? I'm proud of you."

"I- yeah, well-I learned from the best." He played with the bottom of his coat. "So why-"

He sighed. "Evan, is it that hard to guess? I have no friends and apparently with how lazy I am I'm on track to fail out of college before the end of the first semester. Not to mention that I've never done anything right in my life, I mean, God, when I graduated my parents just told me to scan the diploma and send it to the college as proof of graduation! The only person to congratulate me was _your_ mother!"

"Hey Jared."

"What?"

"Congratulations on graduating high school. I know you can make it through college, too." Evan gave him a soft smile.

Jared let out an involuntary sob. "Fuck. I mean, thanks, but I doubt it. I'm gonna be alone and I'm gonna hate the place and I'm gonna fail, I just-"

"You don't have to be alone. I know you don't like me too much but what about your- what about your camp friends?"

Jared waved a hand. "You were right. I had no friends at camp, at least no one who I couldn't see cringing whenever I walked up to them."

"Then why not me?"

"You don't want to be my friend."

"Yes I do."

"Ha!"

"Why isn't that believable?"

Jared started to stand up. "Do you know how weird it was to know that the only person who hangs out with you only likes you as a dead kid?"

Evan got to his feet too. "Maybe I would have hung out with you more if you were anywhere near willing to call yourself my friend."

Jared threw his hands in the air. "I know I was a bad friend, an asshole, everything else, but you know, when I asked if we could throw out the 'family friends' thing and be real friends and hang out, that's when you spit in my face!"

"You never asked me that, Jared!" They were both yelling just to be heard over the storm now.

"Yes I did! In the joke emails!"

"The- what?"

"'Hey, Evan, it's Connor, Jared's penname, here to say Jared exists and is cool and wants to hang out and maybe we should make him a part of this awesome friendship we have!' Sound familiar?"

Evan's face fell a little. "That's what that was about?"

"Yes! I thought it was clever, but apparently you really thought I was stupid because you thought I would actually seriously send you those as Connor emails, so I went with it and didn't send you the real ones because you were being such an asshole!"

Evan screwed his eyes shut and played with his coat more furiously. "Well I didn't get- I didn't know, okay?"

Jared scoffed. "Did you know me asking you to get drunk with me was asking you to hang out or did you get lost on that one too?"

"I was busy, okay? It wasn't like I didn't want to-"

"That's crap, Evan! The entire last school year, you refused to hang out with me unless I was doing something for you!"

"I didn't think you wanted to hang out! You always acted 'too cool' or whatever, and then-"

"I kept saying I was cool because I figured maybe someone would agree with me. I avoided asking you to hang out because I couldn't imagine you enjoyed having me as a friend! I shoved you away because I knew you could do better but a part of me hoped you would stay, but- you did do better. And then I decided I didn't want to lose you, and the second I started showing that- you dropped me. You humiliated me. You threatened me with a favor I did for you, and never wanted to speak to me again, and now you want to pretend to be 'pals' this week and then drop me again when you go home and have better people to talk to again and I can't take that!"

Evan was crying, his face red. "I'm sorry that you thought I would-"

"You're apologizing like my parents do." Jared crossed his arms. "This is coming from a kid I've seen apologize to people who run into him. You apologize for everything, you apologized to the Murphys, you apologized to your mother, you apologized to Alana, but fuck Jared, right? He's not that much of a loss!"

"I didn't think you wanted to see me again!"

"So that made it so I didn't deserve an apology?"

"I'm sorry, Jared! I'm sorry I was such an asshole, I'm sorry that I got you into that mess, I'm sorry I threatened you to stay quiet, I'm sorry I didn't go get drunk with you, I'm sorry I was too wrapped up in everything else to notice that you asked to be real friends, I'm sorry I never went after you to apologize! I'm sorry, fuck, I'm sorry, now can we please get out of the rain?" Evan was visibly shaking.

Jared stood in shock for a second. The two boys were just staring at each other, both crying. Jared takes a breath in.

There's a snapping sound above them. Evan didn't see the logic in the action, but he immediately pointed his flashlight at the sound. It was a really thick branch starting to fall.

He felt himself get tackled to the muddy ground and then felt himself get scratched by the smaller branches as the sound of the main part hitting the ground echoed.

And screaming. There was definitely some screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i feel like my writing is getting WORSE as the seconds pass


	8. Chapter 8

What Evan wanted to do was lie down and wait for someone to come to help. He didn't want to move- he didn't think he had the will to move.

But there was the scream he had heard. Jared.

Evan managed to slide himself out from under the small branches. He was almost covered in mud now, if any scrapes from the branches started to bleed, he probably wouldn't notice.

Jared had been quiet for a moment, which worried Evan as made his way over to his friend, who was face down in the mud, covered by branches. The biggest part was almost two feet in diameter and looked to have caught one of Jared's feet.

Jared started laughing and lifted his head out of the mud. "Evan?" He called.

"Yeah Jared, I'm here, are you okay?"

There was more laughter, sounding fairly pained. "What tree is this?"

"Jared, oh my God." Evan started breaking off the smaller branches to clear an area for Jared to get up.

Jared picked at a leaf and held it to his face. "Evan I busted my glasses and it's dark as shit, is this Oak?"

"This is serious, Jared! Do you think your foot's broken?"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely. I am actually in complete agony." Jared deadpanned. "But I'm right, aren't I?"

Evan made an exasperated noise. "Yes, it's a branch from an Oak tree, can you please focus on not- dying under it?"

"Evan, since I'm dying-" Jared started in a matter-of-fact voice.

"You're- stop- you're not even dying! It hit your foot!"

"Well, would you make up your mind? Anyway, since I'm dying, I want you to tell everyone that I absolutely did not scream when this thing landed on me."

Evan rolled his eyes. "It's- what- this thing's huge! Anyone would scream!"

"Exactly, which would make it super impressive if I didn't."

Evan finished clearing a way for Jared to maneuver out and then faced the daunting task of trying to lift the log off Jared's foot. He wrapped his arms around it and got a good grip.

"Get ready to move. Fast." He couldn't see if Jared nodded and braced himself to move, so he waited a few seconds.

Evan put all his strength into lifting the huge branch, wincing as he heard a cry of pain and whimpering.

Jared crawled forward on his elbows, trying to put the pain out of his mind. It didn't work, but he tried.

"Out- I'm" Jared bit back the tears forming. "I'm out."

Evan dropped the log not-so-gracefully and ran to Jared, who was making truly horrific sounds as he tried to roll over so he could sit up.

"Jared, don't get up, I'll carry you." Evan went to pick him up, then paused and hurried to get the flashlight that was discarded on the ground. He retrieved it and handed it to Jared. "Here, take this, we need to see."

Jared took the flashlight. "Are you sure you can carry me?"

"You're small, Jared, I can handle it." He leaned down and lifted the other boy bridal-style.

Jared hissed as he was moved at first, but eventually got used to it enough to stay quiet. He pointed the flashlight back at the trail with one hand and used the other to hold onto Evan.

Evan carefully stepped over the fallen branch and tried to be as cautious as possible, trying not to slip in the wet dirt. His head kept sending him images of him falling and tossing Jared on the ground.

"Where are you planning to take me?" Jared asked.

"The hospital."

Jared groaned. "Could we- not do that? I don't want my parents to find out I was wandering the woods in a storm."

The words took a while to process in Evan's head. "Jared, be straight with me."

"That's homophobic." Jared smiled up at Evan, who was focusing on getting back.

"Is there really some possible sequence of events you see playing out from this point in which your parents do not find out your foot is broken?"

"Fair point." Jared grumbled.

They got back to the driveway to the cabin and Evan shifted the boy in his arms, ready to attempt to open the door to his mother's car.

To his surprise, the passenger side door wasn't locked, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jared said as he was about to be placed in the seat.

Evan gave him an exasperated look. "What?"

"I don't want to totally ruin your mom's car! I'm disgusting right now!"

Evan froze and blinked at him for a few seconds, then decided he wasn't going to dignify that with a response. He put Jared in the seat, trying to ignore the sounds he made whenever his foot was jostled. He put Jared's seatbelt on before closing the door and quickly running to the cabin and reaching in for the keys.

When Evan sat in the driver's seat Jared spoke again.

"You know, you probably got some scratches too, you should at least clean them before we-"

"Oh my God Jared, what- where are you- do you have any sense of- priorities? Look at your foot. Right now."

"No thanks. I have a general idea of what's happening down there from the unbearable pain and I really don't want a full picture."

Evan closed his eyes and grasped the wheel tightly before buckling up and starting the car.

"Hey Evan?"

"What?" Evan didn't mean for it to sound as snappy as it did.

"Do you know where the hospital is here?"

Evan's eyes widened. He hadn't thought that far. "No, do you?"

"Not a clue."

Evan dug in the center console for the gps and started it up, searching for the nearest hospital. Once he set it up to lead there, he started exiting the driveway.

Unfortunately, by the time he got to the road, the GPS still hadn't found a signal due to the sky being completely blocked by clouds. He gave up on that and switched to his phone. Without the help of 4G, Maps had limited results, but it did have hospitals. Evan set it up and was finally on his way.

"Hey, you know what's funny?" Jared tried to make conversation. "You fell out of a tree, and now a tree fell into me. Isn't that-"

"Listen, Jared." Evan didn't spare a glance in the other boy's direction. "It's dark and raining, I don't even like driving in the first place, my friend got his foot mangled by a tree, and if I get any more stressed I will probably drive off the road and kill us both. So please, _please_ \- do not distract me."

"Gotcha." Jared remained silent the rest of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey,, , for a second back there,, , evan really, , needed,,, a map,, hh, does anybody,, ,,,, have a map,,,,, , ,,,


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey kids its been a while hasnt it but now im settled into university life and im not gonna promise that things are gonna be consistent again but i will try to finish this fic eventually
> 
> also fuck it i don't know how hospitals work in just assuming things from tv
> 
> WARNINGS:
> 
> this chapter and like. the next one or two are gonna have some talk on suicide/ suicide attempts, so don't read if easily triggered

It was a bit of a blur for Evan after they got to the hospital. He checked Jared in, then he was sputtering things at a nurse. "-And a huge branch fell on him and- but it mainly hit his foot but he's been acting really- he doesn't seem to- he's been really calm about it I think he might have hit his head when he fell too?"

Jared was rolling his eyes and giving a nonchalant wave to the nurse. "I don't have a concussion, this is just who I am. Like, as a person." He gave her a smile.

"We'll check for head injuries." The nurse looked at Evan when she said this. "We can take him right away, it's not a very busy time of day. You can have a seat in the waiting room and fill out his forms."

Evan stared blankly at the forms for a while before even moving his hand. It took him longer than he'd care to admit to focus enough to fill out the things he knew.

And then came the next step.

But boy, he hated phone calls.

"Mrs. Kleinman? Yes, it's Evan. No, we're not in the cabin, I'm at the hospital nearby- no! it's not me, it's Jared!"

And Evan felt anger rise up in him as he heard an annoyed huff from the other end. "What did he do?" She sounded exasperated.

"He didn't do anything! He was just sitting out in the rain and a tree branch fell and landed on his foot!"

"And what was he doing outside during a storm?"

There was silence from the other end.

She sighed. "I'm sorry he did this on vacation time, Evan. He was probably just trying to get attention and accidentally got hurt. He can be like this sometimes. We'll be right over, I'll bring your mother too. Oh, and tell Jared that we're glad he's okay."

There was a bitter taste in Evan's mouth. "Okay." He hung up. It was starting to make sense why Jared never talked about any of his problems, if crying alone in the rain was brushed off as a display of dramatics.

It was a eternity before the others arrived, Heidi rushing to hug Evan, asking questions about Jared while she dug in her pockets for sterilizing wipes that she insisted Evan needed, even though the cuts his arm had were small and had stopped bleeding.

Mr. and Mrs. Kleinman looked more annoyed and embarrassed than anything, prefering to stand back while Heidi crowded Evan.

"I brought you your wallet- I was half asleep and wasn't sure if you were the one injured at first and I wanted you to have your insurance card on you, but I guess-"

"Thanks, mom." He offered her a small smile.

"No problem, honey, listen, I have to go to the bathroom, call me if there's any updates."

He nodded before sitting down and fidgeting with his wallet and staring down the hallway Jared was in.

His hands hit paper in one of the wallet pockets. Normal paper, not money paper. He crinkled his eyebrows and looked down, pulling a folded paper from the pocket. Checking to make sure Mr. and Mrs. Kleinman weren't being too watchful of him at the moment, he unfolded it. It was Jared's handwriting.

Almost immediately a nurse pulled him from the page to say that Jared was ready to go, but he had managed to grasp the first three words.

"Dear Evan Hansen,"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey kids its labor day weekend and i dont know anyone at this university so i guess i have free time now
> 
> also i want yall to know that im loving the comments ur all so sweet
> 
> warning for this chapter: they're discussing suicide attempts so beware

Evan was thankful for the distraction, because he didn't want to read further. A sick feeling settled in his stomach from what he did see. He had an idea of what might come next in the letter, and he didn't want to be right.

He quickly folded the paper back up and returned it to the wallet.

He found it hard to not be a little angry at the other boy. He knew this wasn't a time to be angry, especially not if that letter was what it looked like.

But damnit, if it was what he thought it was, Jared had no right to open with those words.

He tried to put his thoughts aside, though, as Jared came down the hall in crutches, guided by a nurse. His face lit up when he saw Evan.

"Evan, buddy!" He said in the most upbeat voice Evan had ever heard from him. "How's it going?" He sounded drunk.

"We had to give him some painkillers to set his foot." The nurse explained.

Evan nodded slowly. "Does he have a concussion, he was acting really weird when we got here."

"No head injuries." When she said this, Jared stuck out his tongue. "It was probably just the adrenaline. Now, I see his parents are here, they can check him out at the desk, and you should be set to go." She turned and walked back the way she came.

"Thank you." Evan said. He was just about to pull out his phone to call his mom when she appeared.

"Jared! Are you alright, everything went well?"

"Swell as a bell." Even Jared looked like he didn't know what that was supposed to mean.

"Again, we're so sorry this happened, Heidi." Mrs. Kleinman said. "You two can stay at the cabin for the rest of the week, we obviously have to go home. I really wanted this to be a great vacation for all of us."

Jared looked shocked and horrified. "No! We can stay! You don't have to ruin everyone's vacation because of this, I'm fine! I could probably even kayak like this, you don't need feet to kayak!"

"You don't want to get your cast wet." Evan said, remembering the rules from when he broke his arm.

Jared gave Evan an utterly betrayed look. "Okay, whatever, I'll just stay inside, please?"

Mr. Kleinman sighed. "Alright, fine." He turned to Evan. "Now, don't feel obligated to hang out with him the whole time. And don't let him bully you into waiting on him."

Evan nodded.

"Okay, we'll check him out, I guess we'll meet you two back at the cabin.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After leading him to the room, Evan pretty much ignored Jared, who was babbling on about where he put his spare glasses. Luckily, as it ended up, his mom remembered to pack them.

Then he started asking Evan to see his phone.

"Evaaaann, come on, I want to play around with your ringtones!"

"I don't even take my phone off silent most of the time."

"Pleeeeeeeaaassse." Jared's voice was whiny.

"Fine, do whatever you want." Evan gave his phone to Jared, knowing he'd regret it. A few minutes later he got it back, and Jared looked like he was going to burst out laughing.

"What did you set it to?"

At this, Jared pulled out his own phone and started typing, then looked at Evan expectantly.

"Some!" "Some!" "Some!" His phone chimed as he got the texts. He furrowed his eyebrows, but then saw Jared dial his number and put the phone up to his ear.

"-Body once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed..."

At this Jared couldn't contain his laughter anymore. Even Evan had to smile before he set his ringer back to silent.

"Very funny." 

Evan couldn't mark the time when the talking from the other side of the room had stopped. He only looked up when he realized that it must have been over an hour since he heard anything. Jared had fallen asleep.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time he woke up again, it was time for dinner. Evan had brought both their meals into the room, insisting to Jared's parents that he didn't mind.

There was a long span of time where Jared was just staring at his plate.

"Is something wrong?" Evan asked.

Jared looked at him. "Evan, I- I'm really sorry. I-" He took a breath. "I kept yelling at you to apologize the other night and I _needed_ you to apologize because I thought that if you did, then it would prove that I didn't just- deserve how you treated me after all the times I've been an asshole to you, or prove that I was worth having as a friend, but in the end it didn't prove anything. Just because you were a dick doesn't let me off the hook for years of being a dick. So I'm sorry for how I treated you. And if you still want to be my friend I promise I'll try to do better."

"It's alright, Jared. Thank you for apologizing, though."

"Just don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold. And no more sappy talk for at least a year, this is killing me."

Evan debated on whether he should let Jared off the hook. "I- well- I- um- before we close the serious talk, I have to ask you-" He saw Jared pale as he reached for his wallet and pulled out a paper. "What is- just- tell me this isn't what I think it is?"

Jared scrunched his eyes shut and ran his hands down his face. "Oh God, you didn't read it, did you?"

"I read uh- I read just the opening, the 'Dear Evan Hansen' and after that I uh-"

"Shit. Well it's uh- it's not as dramatic as you're probably thinking. You weren't supposed to see it, it wasn't- look, I knew hanging out in the middle of some trees in a windy thunderstorm wasn't the best idea so I- it was more of a 'just in case' thing really, less 'I'm going to kill myself in the woods' and more 'if you're reading this I am probably dead in the woods' kind of thing? I was going to take it back when I got back-"

"No you weren't." Evan cut off Jared's rambling. "You were going to get crushed sitting under a tree!"

"I-" Jared grimaced. "Fair enough."

"And why were you- how could you pick the one place where a huge branch falls to sit?"

"That was just a coincid-" Jared cut himself off from lying. His voice got quieter. "You're going to hate me. I- fuck, I just- I shouldn't have let you sit there, it could have hit you, I just- by the time you got there I really wasn't thinking about it, but-"

Evan didn't expect Jared to have an answer. "Wait, what are you trying to say?"

"I sat there because that branch was half rotted and looked about two gusts of wind from falling, okay? And then I made you sit under it too because I'm an idiot! I wasn't really thinking when I- I mean I knew it would fall, but I also knew it wouldn't, and I just saw it with my flashlight when I was walking and it wasn't like, a decision I thought a lot about and I wasn't trying to-"

Evan was subconsciously starting to shake his head. "That's still- you can't-" He tried to keep his voice from getting too loud, but was getting frantic. "You played Russian Roulette with a tree! That's not okay, Jared!"

"Evan, Evan, you need to calm down, you're going to-"

"You would have died! That's not okay, you would have died and all you would have left would be a 'Dear Evan Hansen' letter? That's- why would you-"

"It was-" Jared swallowed. "supposed to be a joke, I think?" He hurried to continue when he saw the look in Evan's eye. "But also I guess passive-aggressive and just- I wasn't thinking! And I didn't think about you having to read it and I was being an asshole, okay? Next time-" He saw Evan start to shake at his words. "No no no that's actually not what I meant, it was just poor phrasing, I- please stop crying."

Evan only went over to Jared and sat on the bed next to him, giving him an awkward side hug. "There is no next time."

"There is no next time." Jared confirmed. "Now I- uh- now can we end the sappy talk?"

Evan pulled back. "Actually there's something I really should tell you."

Jared sighed. "I guess that's fair. At least it's not about me this time."

"Remember when I broke my arm?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all yall who are commenting are so sweet i love you
> 
> also i was skimming over this and some of my other stuff yesterday and???? No One ever finishes their sentences in dialogue. so many ppl cutting off ppl or trailing off in the middle,,, , Why Can't I Let Characters Speak??? More At Eleven
> 
> and yet another warning for suicide stuff. (no one dies theyre just talkin abt what happened)

"No, Evan, I happened to forget an entire half of last year when you had your arm in a cast." Jared deadpanned.

"Yeah, I- uh-" Evan looked down and started playing with the bottom of his shirt. "I told you I fell out of a tree?"

"Is this where you tell me I was right all along about you breaking it from jerki-"

"I uh- let go. Of the tree. On-" He paused, but didn't look up to see Jared's eyes widen. "On purpose. I was trying to-" He couldn't finish the sentence, but Jared knew how it ended.

"I- fuck, Evan. That's- I'm an asshole, I shouldn't have kept picking on you for it and- why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't- I didn't tell anyone. I- I even forced myself to believe that I just fell because I didn't want to- I didn't want to face that." Evan spared a quick glance at Jared, who looked like a lot was going through his mind. "And, uh- either way I probably wouldn't tell someone who's just a fami- oh God I'm sorry that sounds bad but I'm not trying to guilt you I was just-"

Jared had cringed when Evan started to use his own words against him. "No, it's-" He waved off the apologies. "I earned that." He stared numbly in front of him. "Just- there was no- you didn't leave a note? So if you actually did- you know- no one would know that you didn't fall? That's- is it just not the thing to do anymore and I didn't get the memo, because Connor didn't write one, you didn't write one, although you wrote one for Connor which, is that kind of like when you get paid to write essays for someone or-" His voice dropped off when he saw that Evan was uncomfortable, angry, and appalled. "Shit, I'm being an asshole again. I didn't mean to take it that far, it's- my mouth moves faster than my brain, and-"

"It's- it's okay, I guess. I just-" He cleared his throat. "It wasn't planned, or whatever, I was just in the tree and I looked at the ground and- I didn't think it would really matter, that anyone would care, so-" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Do you- feel better now?" Jared scrunched his nose at his phrasing. "Like you're not going to-"

"No, no, I'm not going to do that again. I mean I'm still- the anxiety sucks and I don't always feel the best about myself but I wouldn't- try that again."

Jared stared at Evan for a few moments and then gave a nod of approval. "Now Evan, dear," His voice changed, taking on an upbeat, pompous tone. "Could you be so kind as to return the dishes to the kitchen for me, I'm afraid my foot is broken."

Evan rolled his eyes before taking the plates Jared had gestured to. Just before he got to the door he paused. "How about you, are you- better now?" He glanced back at Jared.

"I feel amazing, my friend, like I could bang the Statue of Liberty."

"I'm being serious."

Jared put his hand to his chest in mock offense. "And I'm not? Besides, you broke your left arm, now I broke my left leg, so that means that we should both be all right now."

"I-" Evan shook his head. "How long were you holding on to that one?"

"I was going to say it right when you shushed me on the ride to the hospital!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so now that this is past its Angst Arc it'll probably be coming to a close soon so i just gotta wrap this up, finish my gosh darn bmc fic ive left hanging too long. 
> 
> THEN i want to start a fic where jared is squipped??? but like. over the course of the deh story and then after. bc ive seen 1 or 5 where evans has a squip but i think it'd be cool to write jared's ~fake cool~ persona as at least partially a squip telling him what to do???
> 
> like idk itd probably open with someone from summer camp telling him abt the squip and he gets one bc he has a crush on evan, go through the jared scenes of deh with internal and squip dialogue, and then some cool stuff happens after involving him and evan making up and him trying to get rid of the squip
> 
> and idk i just like the idea???? tho tbh its at fault for the impromptu hiatus of this bc i kept having so many ideas for that but was like "no if u start that ur not gonna finish what u have now" so i compromised by doing n o t h i n g
> 
> i also /kinda/ wanna do a voltron fic where lance gets a squip bc he thinks he needs to work harder for the team but idk how big the potential fanfic market is in voltron/bmc crossoverish stuff


End file.
